The Height of Hitboidut-meditation is when, because of your great longing to unite with Hashem you feel your soul bound to your body by no more than a single strand. Is there anything better than this to strive for in this life?(L.M. II:99)
With Hashem's blessings will up and running soon to take your prayer requests. There is hope! And personal prayer is the way to receive this. The first step is to find a positive point about yourself. This is called the "nikodah tova" (the good point), it is and will be the foundation for building Emunah (faith) in your life.